Instead of Competing, Let's Embrace Our Unique Journeys
I think a common struggle for women -or at least me- is comparison. Comparing becomes dangerous when it naturally turns our thoughts to competition. Usually comparison brings the feeling of "one is better and one is worse."
During pregnancy it is easy to make comparisons. It can also be tempting to compare birth stories.
When I was pregnant with our first baby, I did not show very much for a long time. I was also terrible at telling people the news, so people were just barely finding out I was pregnant when I was already 7 or 8 months along! I remember that often people were surprised to find out I was pregnant when I still did not look obviously pregnant. It was funny, but I also sometimes felt self conscious when people said, "You're so small! Where's the baby?" I wondered if people could tell I was pregnant by looking at me, or if they just thought I was gaining weight! Other times, it is pointed out how big someone is. "You're huge! Are you having triplets or just one?" I thought it was awesome when people actually showed during pregnancy because everyone knew it was pregnancy, not just weight gain! Some people thought I was so lucky because I stayed small during pregnancy. I thought people who looked pregnant were lucky. They're just different experiences!
Some pregnancies involve more nausea, some more swelling, some more weight gain, some women experience other less common effects.
One important thing to note is that every woman is unique! In many pregnancy books or websites, we learn about the average pregnancy, labor, or birth. Just because you may not fit the average description, does not mean that your pregnancy is not normal or is not healthy. Your care provider can help you know that your unique pregnancy is healthy. Don't get caught up in comparing your experiences to other people's.
I find it more important to eat healthy foods during pregnancy, and try to eat less sweets or junk food, than to fit perfectly into the average weight gain description for your height.
There will be times that comparing can help us. Maybe you notice that most pregnant people experience something that you are not experiencing. If this concerns you, it would be important to talk to your care provider. In this case, noticing common pregnancy trends can help you to make sure things are progressing healthily for you. On the other hand, if you and your baby are healthy, don't worry so much about comparing yourself to other people. Don't stress if your pregnancy is different than someone else's.
Birth:
A lot of women like to share birth stories. I think this is great! But I also think it is very important that we share stories in a positive way -not in an "I can out-do your story" or "my labor was tougher" sort of way. Some people have longer labors than others. Some have short fast labors. Some have slower labors. Every mother experiences unique challenges during labor, as well as unique joys with the birth of their baby! Each mother may find a certain part of labor more challenging or more enjoyable. Some mothers like having babies. Others just want to get it over with. Some mothers think natural birth is the best way to have a baby. Others think that those moms are crazy! Some mothers feel safe in a hospital and feel that it is the best way to ensure the safety of their new baby. Some mothers prefer to give birth at home. Some mothers feel that having pain medication helps them remain calm and have a better, smoother birth experience.
When we share labor and birth stories, let's not compare and compete. Let's learn from each other. Let's embrace our differences and learn from each other's unique experiences. Let's also understand that there isn't one "right" way for a mother to give birth. The right thing for one mother could be the wrong thing for another.
The important thing is that a woman educates herself, and makes an informed decision of what is best for her.
Let's embrace our differences and learn to appreciate how unique each woman's journey through pregnancy and birth is.
During pregnancy it is easy to make comparisons. It can also be tempting to compare birth stories.
When I was pregnant with our first baby, I did not show very much for a long time. I was also terrible at telling people the news, so people were just barely finding out I was pregnant when I was already 7 or 8 months along! I remember that often people were surprised to find out I was pregnant when I still did not look obviously pregnant. It was funny, but I also sometimes felt self conscious when people said, "You're so small! Where's the baby?" I wondered if people could tell I was pregnant by looking at me, or if they just thought I was gaining weight! Other times, it is pointed out how big someone is. "You're huge! Are you having triplets or just one?" I thought it was awesome when people actually showed during pregnancy because everyone knew it was pregnancy, not just weight gain! Some people thought I was so lucky because I stayed small during pregnancy. I thought people who looked pregnant were lucky. They're just different experiences!
Some pregnancies involve more nausea, some more swelling, some more weight gain, some women experience other less common effects.
One important thing to note is that every woman is unique! In many pregnancy books or websites, we learn about the average pregnancy, labor, or birth. Just because you may not fit the average description, does not mean that your pregnancy is not normal or is not healthy. Your care provider can help you know that your unique pregnancy is healthy. Don't get caught up in comparing your experiences to other people's.
I find it more important to eat healthy foods during pregnancy, and try to eat less sweets or junk food, than to fit perfectly into the average weight gain description for your height.
There will be times that comparing can help us. Maybe you notice that most pregnant people experience something that you are not experiencing. If this concerns you, it would be important to talk to your care provider. In this case, noticing common pregnancy trends can help you to make sure things are progressing healthily for you. On the other hand, if you and your baby are healthy, don't worry so much about comparing yourself to other people. Don't stress if your pregnancy is different than someone else's.
Birth:
A lot of women like to share birth stories. I think this is great! But I also think it is very important that we share stories in a positive way -not in an "I can out-do your story" or "my labor was tougher" sort of way. Some people have longer labors than others. Some have short fast labors. Some have slower labors. Every mother experiences unique challenges during labor, as well as unique joys with the birth of their baby! Each mother may find a certain part of labor more challenging or more enjoyable. Some mothers like having babies. Others just want to get it over with. Some mothers think natural birth is the best way to have a baby. Others think that those moms are crazy! Some mothers feel safe in a hospital and feel that it is the best way to ensure the safety of their new baby. Some mothers prefer to give birth at home. Some mothers feel that having pain medication helps them remain calm and have a better, smoother birth experience.
When we share labor and birth stories, let's not compare and compete. Let's learn from each other. Let's embrace our differences and learn from each other's unique experiences. Let's also understand that there isn't one "right" way for a mother to give birth. The right thing for one mother could be the wrong thing for another.
The important thing is that a woman educates herself, and makes an informed decision of what is best for her.
Let's embrace our differences and learn to appreciate how unique each woman's journey through pregnancy and birth is.
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